The Key to Her Heart
by cynicalromantic
Summary: Main characters: Buffy, Spike, Dawn
1. The Kidnapping

  
TITLE: The Key to Her Heart   
CATEGORY: Romance/Drama  
DISCLAIMER: Joss's characters & main storyline  
RATED: R  
MAIN CHARACTERS: Spike, Dawn, Buffy  
  
  
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CHAPTER 1-The Kidnapping  
  
Spike was alone in his crypt, pacing and thinking aloud. "How can I win over the slayer?" he wondered. "Riley's gone but unfortunately not forgotten. How can I remedy that?"  
  
  
Just then, Harmony burst into the crypt, practically bouncing off the walls. "Oh, Spikey!" she exclaimed, "I just heard the greatest news! It's so exciting!"  
  
  
"Let me guess," Spike replied, "Hoffman's is having a shoe sale?"  
  
  
"No, silly, even better! Although I could use some new shoes. I don't have any to match that cute blue outfit I picked up last week. And the heel on one of my black pumps is starting to come off . . ."  
  
"Harm!" Spike interrupted. His patience was wearing thinner than usual, these days. Especially with Harmony. She was a good lay, but his heart was never in it. He missed actually caring about the person he was shagging. "What's your news?" he said, pausing between each word.  
  
  
"Oh!" Harmony continued, "These three demons stopped me outside of Willy's and asked me if I know Dawn Summers. I asked if they're sure they don't mean Buffy Summers 'cause I know where she lives and I could maybe help them, you know, kill her or something."  
  
  
She was killing him! He begged her to get to the point. Finally, she explained that these psykema demons were released from their dimension for 24 hours in order to do a favor for some evil woman. They have to kidnap Dawn, because they think she knows something about a key that this evil woman wants. And they can read her mind, if she's less than forthcoming about it all. "So they have until dawn to kidnap Dawn!" Harmony explained, "Get it?" She found the irony of that unbearably hysterical.  
  
"What's this key for?" Spike asked, now clearly intrigued.  
  
  
"How should I know?" Harmony answered. "All's I know is Buffy is gonna be sooo upset about this. She'll be all boo-hooey and maybe won't be watching her back so much and you and I could . . ."  
  
  
"Celebrate!" Spike interrupted. He had a plan. He convinced Harmony to go out and get herself something he could "tear off of you later;" something suitable for celebrating. There would be plenty of time to take advantage of the slayer later.  
  
  
Once Harmony was gone, Spike quickly calculated his plan. He would get to Dawn before these psykemas did, even though that meant kidnapping her himself. Then return her to an eternally grateful Buffy tomorrow after dawn. That part would be tricky. He'd have to figure that out later. "Buffy is rather attached to that brat," he thought. "If I save her, then I'd be her bloody hero, wouldn't I? Buffy would have to like me, then." He realized that the only bad part of his plan was that he couldn't tell Buffy ahead of time what he was doing. She truly couldn't know where Dawn was because, no doubt, the psykemas would try to read her mind in order to accomplish their mission. They were non-violent demons, however, and when Buffy revealed nothing, they would simply look elsewhere. She'd know in the morning, though, and Spike could wait. He'd waited this long, what was one more night?  
  
  
Meanwhile, Joyce was saying goodbye to her two daughters. She was flying to San Francisco for a prestigious art show. She assured Buffy and Dawn that she was okay to travel; she was feeling fine these days, and had completely recovered from her operation. Buffy assured her that she didn't mind staying home that night to be home with Dawn. She had major studying to do, anyway, and the gang promised her they'd do a sweep. "Anything else will just have to wait until tomorrow for me to kick its ass," she said. "Protecting Dawn is my most important job, now."  
  
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That night, as Buffy slept on her bed surrounded by books and notes, Spike appeared in Dawn's room. He hurriedly picked out a change of clothes for her--it wouldn't do to send Dawn back to Buffy in her nightie; that might not look so good. His desire to find as conservative an outfit as possible led him to choose a long skirt, a turtleneck sweater, knee-hi socks and tennis shoes--they would be walking all the way to his crypt, after all.  
  
Then he covered Dawn's mouth with his hand and whispered, "No need to shout. I'm here to help you."  
  
Naturally, Dawn was terrified. She'd only met Spike a couple of times, but she knew he was a vampire. She also knew Buffy didn't stake him because, for some reason, he couldn't hurt people anymore. But what if he got that fixed? She tried to bite his hand, but his grip only tightened. "Look, I can't hurt you," he tried to assure her, but her eyes were growing wider and wider. Part of him was terribly excited by that, and it became increasingly more difficult for him to perform the task at hand. Quickly, he dragged her close enough to the bag he had thrown her clothes into so that he could grab it. Lucky she was light, because he had to half drag, half carry her through her window, and jump with her off the roof of her front porch, all while covering her mouth with his hand.  
  
When they were far enough away from her house that Buffy couldn't hear Dawn if she started yelling, Spike stopped, removed his hand from her mouth and grabbed her arm. "Now listen, you little brat," he hissed. "I'm doing this as a favor for your sister. But she can't know about it yet. So just . . ."  
  
Just then, Spike caught sight of the three psykema demons going around to the back of Dawn's and Buffy's house. With only their brief mission on their minds, they didn't notice Spike and Dawn just beyond the trees in the front yard. Dawn saw what Spike was looking at. She was suddenly scared again.  
  
"But Buffy!" she panicked.  
  
"They're not after Buffy," he said calmly, "They're after you."  
  
Back at Spike's crypt, Spike watched TV while Dawn changed into the clothes he'd packed. "This is what you picked for me to wear?" she asked in amazement. "These are my funeral clothes. When I get down to the turtlenecks in my drawer I know it's laundry day," she continued to complain, "And my grandmother sent me this skirt for Christmas. I was going to take it back but Mom said she'd shorten it a little so I agreed to keep it!"  
  
"Well, gee, I suppose I was too busy figuring out how to save you to consider whether or not I'd be insulting your fashion sense," Spike remarked sarcastically.  
  
"Tennis shoes with a skirt?" she mumbled. Spike shot her a look and she quickly shut up.  
  
"You know, I put up with that sort of thing from your sister because she can possibly kill me. Having no such fancy ideas yourself, you may want to consider treating me with a little respect!" Dawn crossed her arms in front of her, determined not to let him see her cry.  
  
"The demons who are after you will be gone at sunrise, and you will be reunited with your big sister then," Spike said. "Until then, you may as well settle in. You can try to sleep on my bed, if you like." As he gestured towards his bed he was suddenly panicked. "Bugger!" he shouted, "Harmony!"  
  
"What about Harmony?" Dawn asked, "Is she here?"  
  
"Not yet, but soon, I'd wager. We have to get out of here!" he said, jumping up and pulling his boots back on quickly. "Hurry up, will you?"  
  
"Where are we going to go?" she asked.  
  
"I've got an idea," he replied.  
  
As they rushed out the door, Dawn's cross necklace fell off and landed about three feet inside the doorway. Neither one noticed.  
  
  
While Spike and Dawn were sneaking away from his crypt, the psykema demons had just discovered Dawn's absence from her home. They searched the house until they ended up in Buffy's room. As she dreamed about them, they put their hands on her head and tried to read her mind. When they asked her where Dawn was, she answered, "In her room." When they told her Dawn wasn't even in the house, she said she had no idea where Dawn was.  
  
Realizing Buffy was telling the truth, they left to look for Dawn. As soon as they left, Buffy bolted upright in bed and said, "Dawn."  
  
Spike was used to sneaking around unseen. So staying hidden with Dawn was relatively easy. But returning her to Buffy after sunrise, for him, was, quite simply, out of the question. He couldn't enjoy being the slayer's hero if he got himself burned up, now, could he? And so he had a plan.  
  
"So, you're a vampire, right?" Dawn asked as they walked.  
  
"Bright girl," Spike answered.  
  
"So, you've, like, killed a lot of people, huh?" she asked.  
  
"Yeah," he answered.  
  
"How many?"  
  
"None of your business."  
  
"I bet it's a lot," she pressed, "or my sister wouldn't hate you so much."  
  
"Did she say that?" The words were out of his mouth before he could think.  
  
"Well, she doesn't talk to me about vampires and slaying and stuff. But I can tell," Dawn answered. They continued walking in silence.  
  
After a bit, Spike told Dawn his plan. "Since I can't deliver you safely to Buffy, myself, "Im taking you to Xander's, where you will stay until after sunrise," he explained.  
  
When Xander answered the persistent knocking at his door and saw Spike and Dawn standing there, he said, "So Spike, down to stealing candy from kids, now?"  
  
"Sod off," Spike said. Then he quickly explained about the psykema demons and his inability to see Dawn safely home. Then he asked Xander and Dawn to tell Buffy that Dawn was at Xander's all night. Something about protecting his reputation as an evil vampire. "Can't have the slayer thinking I've gotten all soft, you know," he said. As he turned to go, he thought, "I want to tell her myself. I've got to see her reaction to my part in all this."  
  
Buffy called Giles and told him about her 'dream' and that Dawn was missing. He said he'd call Willow and Xander and they'd find out about the demons. Buffy said she'd be over as soon as she stopped at Spike's, because, "I'll bet he has something to do with this," she spat.  
  
  
  



	2. The Heroes

  
  
CHAPTER 2-The Heroes  
  
When Buffy got to the graveyard where Spike's crypt is located, she ran into a package-laden Harmony. Harmony gloated about Dawn's kidnapping until Buffy threatened her with her stake. Harmony relented and finally told Buffy about the psykema demons' plan.  
  
As Buffy walked over to Giles', she thought, "But the psykemas didn't kidnap Dawn. I know that. So where is she?" When she got to Giles', Willow and Tara were there, but not Xander.  
  
"Xander said he'd be here around 7:00a.m.," Giles said.  
  
"Did you tell him Dawn's missing?" Buffy asked.  
  
"Of course," Giles said, "But Xander said he had something important to finish, first."  
  
"Anya needs to learn that kidnapping comes before sex," Buffy replied.  
  
"In any case," Giles interjected, "Let's go over what we've discovered."  
  
At 6:45a.m., as the sun rose in the most spectacular display of colors in ages, the gang was still at a loss to explain Dawn's whereabouts.  
  
At 7:10a.m., Xander finally showed up with Dawn.  
  
"Dawn!" Buffy shrieked with joy mixed with anger and worry, "Where the hell have you been?"  
  
"At Xander's," Dawn started to explain.  
  
"All night?" Buffy questioned.  
  
"Yep, that's right," Xander answered. "All night. With me. At my apartment. I had to, uh, save her from some demons. But everything's fine, now. Dawn's safe, and the demons are back in their own dimension, so everything's peachy. Did I miss donuts?"  
  
Buffy looked at Xander, then Dawn, then Giles and Willow. Having no other plausible explanation for Dawn's whereabouts, she decided to accept Xander's. And she said, "I guess you couldn't tell me about this, before, what with the psykemas being all mind-read-y. Xander, I can't thank you enough! But how did you know about the psykema demons' plan?"  
  
"I, uh, don't . . ." he stammered.  
  
"He dreamed about it," Dawn answered quickly. "Yeah, Xander dreamed I was in trouble. And being the hero he is, he came running to my rescue."  
  
"Uh, yeah. Something like that," Xander agreed, sheepishly. He was more than willing to keep Spike's secret. He hated the guy so much for so many reasons. No question, Spike was pure evil. But he had to wonder why Spike had rescued Dawn. He quickly stopped trying to decipher Spike's twisted methods.  
  
When Buffy and Dawn got back home, there was a letter from Riley in the mailbox.  
  
She was afraid to open it. "He left not knowing I tried to stop him," she thought. She took the letter from Riley up to her room to read it in private.   
  
Dear Buffy,  
  
Hi. I hope this letter finds you, your family and the 'gang' all doing well. It's time for me to finally put into words everything I've been thinking about these last two months.  
  
I still love you, Buffy, and I always will. Besides that, a lot has changed. Down here, fighting this major demons' nest, I've found strength I didn't even know I had. I feel like I've been an integral part of the team, here, and that feels really good. After my operation, I was terrified of being just normal. Well, I'm not. No one is, really. I'm learning I have my own strengths and weaknesses just like everyone else, even you.  
  
I'm good at this job and I'm needed, here. I can't tell you how great that feels. In Sunnydale I was always comparing myself to you. And I felt like I could never measure up. I had to get away from you for awhile in order to find out what I have; what I am. And I discovered that you and I are not so different. We both have important jobs to do; jobs we can't walk away from. We're both born to be strong leaders. Please don't take this the wrong way, but I can't be who I was born to be when I'm around you. Sometimes, the one person you feel like you'd die without is also the one person who makes you weak. Maybe, someday, I will be strong enough by myself that I can be with you again, but not now. Spike once told me that I'm not your "long-haul" guy and as much as I hate to admit it, he was right. You and I made each other too vulnerable. I think, in your heart, you've always known that. It just took me a little longer to figure that out.  
  
This mission is almost complete, but there's another one after it. I can't disclose the location or the details, but I feel I have to be a part of it. For now, Buffy, this is where I belong. And you definitely belong there. Just be careful. And don't trust Spike. He may have been right about us; doesn't make him a good guy. I almost want to remove the chip from his brain myself, just so you'll kill him. In any case, he's still not harmless. Never forget it.  
  
All My Love,  
Riley   
  
  
  
"Spike," she practically choked on his name. "This is all Spike's fault," she said.  
  
Bang! Bang! Bang! Crash! Buffy entered Spike's crypt. Since it was afternoon, Spike was sleeping in his bed. He bolted upright at Buffy's entrance.  
  
"Slayer!" he greeted her cheerfully. "So glad you dropped by. I've got something to tell you."  
  
"I want to hear exactly nothing coming out of your mouth. Not now, and never again!" she screamed.  
  
He looked at her, stunned. What the hell was going on here? This was not part of his plan.  
  
"I just heard from Riley, today," she continued. For once, Spike remained silent. "I'm sure you'll be thrilled to know that your plan worked!"  
  
"And what plan is that, love?" Spike asked, starting to get angry.  
  
"The one where you, somehow, convince Riley that he's all wrong for me! So you get all the credit, Spike. You win." Buffy's eyes teared up with rage.  
  
"Slayer, stop for one bloody minute and clue me in on what the hell you are yelling about," Spike said.  
  
"Here," she said, handing him the letter, "Read it yourself. It's a real page-turner. I'm sure you'll enjoy it."  
  
Spike read the letter. He could see why she was so upset. But he had been right about her and Riley. Why couldn't she see that? "Would you really waste no time in trying to kill me if I got that chip removed?" he asked.  
  
"In a heartbeat," she answered, "Mine, not yours."  
  
Now he was hurt and furious. If she was so hell-bent on being with Riley and too blind to see the truth on the pages, then everything he'd done the past twenty-four hours had been a supreme waste of time.  
  
"Get out," Spike ordered, "Take your bloody letter and your tears and leave me alone!"  
  
Buffy stood there a moment, contemplating. She was shaking with rage and was having trouble holding back her tears. Suddenly realizing how much she didn't want to lose it in front of Spike, and how close she was to doing just that, she turned to go. A flash on the floor caught her eye and she bent down and picked it up . . . Dawn's cross necklace . . .  
  
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	3. Discovery

  
CHAPTER 3--Discovery   
  
DISCLAIMERS: This is based on Joss's characters and storylines. I also lifted some lines from Andrew Lloyd Weber's "Phantom of the Opera."  
  
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"What the hell . . .?" Buffy started. She whirled around and punched Spike square in the nose.  
  
"Go ahead, Slayer," Spike said, "If it makes you feel better, eases your pain . . ." he sneered. Then he saw what she was holding. "Wait! I can explain!" he said.  
  
"Like I said, Spike," Buffy interrupted, "I don't want to hear anything from you. You're a manipulative liar."  
  
"But it's not what your think," Spike called to her back as she went running out. The sunlight was merciless so he was unable to chase her. "Bloody hell," he said as he closed the door behind her.  
  
Buffy ran all the way home. Her tears were gone, now, replaced by confusion and anxiety. "If he touched Dawn," she thought, "I'll kill him twice."  
  
When she got home, she bolted upstairs and right into Dawn's bedroom. "Hey!" Dawn shouted, "You still have to knock, y'know!"  
  
"Why did you lie to me, Dawn?" Buffy demanded.  
  
"What are you talking about?" Dawn asked.  
  
"You know exactly what I'm talking about," Buffy answered. "Why didn't you tell me about Spike? What the hell were you doing in his crypt? Did he kidnap you? Did he ask you anything?" Then she paused. "Did he touch you?"  
  
"I wasn't with Spike," Dawn lied. "Xander woke me up last night and told me I had to hide from some demons at his apartment, so I went. He said he couldn't tell you 'cause the demons could read your mind."  
  
"Stop it!" Buffy shouted. "I know you're lying. I know you were at Spike's because I found your necklace there!"  
  
"Where?" Dawn asked, trying to buy time to figure out what to do.  
  
"On Spike's floor," Buffy answered.  
  
"Well, I don't know how it got there," Dawn said, which was kind of the truth, she reasoned.  
  
"Dawn, why are you protecting him?" Buffy asked, getting angrier and more confused. "What, exactly, did he do to you? You have to tell me."  
  
"He . . . nothing. He told me not to tell you. He said it would ruin his reputation," Dawn finally said.  
  
"I'll rip his 'reputation' to shreds!" Buffy said. "OK, I want you to tell me everything, from beginning to end. The whole truth, this time."  
  
"OK, OK," Dawn finally realized it was in her best interests to tell Buffy everything. And so Dawn told Buffy how Spike woke her up, and how at first she was terrified but he convinced her he was helping her; not going to hurt her. And she told her the whole story about the psykema demons and being at Spike's crypt, then having to go to Xander's.  
  
"So, let me get this straight," Buffy said when Dawn had finished." Spike kidnapped you to save you from those psykemas? But he wanted me to think it was Xander who saved you? Why? Why wouldn't he want me to know it was him? Dawn, this just doesn't make sense."  
  
"I don't know, maybe he was embarassed," Dawn said. "He did say he didn't want you to think he'd 'gone all soft.'"  
  
After Dawn reassured her that Spike didn't hurt her or mistreat her in any way, Buffy remained perplexed about Spike's behavior. So she headed over to Willow's for some girl talk.  
  
  
Buffy went to Willow's dorm room and told her the whole story. Willow was stunned, but not as much as Buffy expected. "He has been helping us a lot, lately, y'know," she said. "Actually, now that you mention it, he's been helping you a lot, lately. Or, trying to, anyway. Maybe he's just bored."  
  
Buffy was deep in thought. "Willow," she started, "Do you know how I found out about Riley getting suck-jobs from vampires?"  
  
"No," Willow answered, "I figured you just caught him while you were patrolling."  
  
Buffy looked sheepish. "Spike found out, somehow, and he made me go ... he took me to where ... and I saw it ... him. So if that's what Spike considers 'helping' ... "  
  
"Spike showed you that?" Willow said in amazement. She paused as Buffy nodded. "You know, I won't pretend to understand Spike's twisted way of thinking--not that I'd want to. But do you think he thinks he was, oh you know, doing a good thing? I mean, sure, he never really liked Riley ..."  
  
Buffy interrupted. "Willow, he's a vampire. He doesn't like anyone with a pulse!" she said.  
  
"Buffy, I think he does," Willow said. "I think he likes you."  
  
"Willow, he'd like to kill me, bite me, insult me and humiliate me, but he does not like me," Buffy replied.  
  
"Think about it," Willow urged. "It's almost like an elementary school thing. If a boy likes a girl in elementary school, what does he do? He chases her, calls her names, pulls her hair, and if he really likes her, he might even punch her. Without a soul, maybe that's the only way Spike knows how to show you he has a crush on you."  
  
Buffy thought about what Willow said. She also remembered Spike being really nice to her one night when she was upset about her mom's illness. And in a really twisted way, lately he'd been trying not to disgust her as much. He didn't usually succeed. But it did help explain why he saved Dawn from those demons. But why didn't he tell her? Why keep it a secret? Then she remembered their last conversation/confrontation. She had accused him of sabotaging her relationship with Riley. And when she found Dawn's cross necklace ... well, she had jumped to the disturbing conclusion that Spike had done something truly despicable.  
  
"Well, even if, for whatever reason, Spike does like me in that way," it was so hard for Buffy to form those words, "It doesn't matter. Nothing has changed except I owe him one for saving Dawn. He's a vampire. Without a soul, I might add. And I'm the slayer. Even if I wanted--which I definitely don't--it would be stupid. Stupid and dumb and bad. Yes, very bad. And wrong! Right, Will? I mean, like I could ever even think about .... Well, he can just get over it, that's all. The next time I see him, I'll just tell him that. I mean, I'm sure he doesn't really think that there's any chance .... Thank you, Willow. I'm less confused now." Only Buffy was more confused than ever.  
  
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Now it was Xander's turn to go to Willow for some advice. She was surprised when he told her he wanted to ask Anya to marry him. Willow and Anya had had their moments, but Willow knew Anya was good for Xander. They were really good together. "But for, like, forever, Xander?" she asked. "You know, forever is a really long time."  
  
"Willow," he started, "Anya is like no one else I've ever known. I just know, y'know? And she wants kids. And I wanna have her kids. I mean, I want her to have mine--future tense, there.  
  
"Sounds to me like you've already made up your mind," Willow said.  
  
"Yeah," Xander replied.  
  
"So, when are you gonna ask her?" she asked.  
  
"As soon as possible," he answered. "I already bought the ring. What I'm worried about is Buffy."  
  
"Buffy? Why?" she asked.  
  
"Oh, you know," he answered. "I know she'd be happy for me and Anya. But I'm worried that it'll make her focus on her current non-relationshipness. The last thing I want to do is make Buffy feel worse than she already does."  
  
"But Xander, you can't not be happy just because Buffy's not happy, y'know?" Willow replied. Buffy would be more upset if she thought you were delaying your own happiness just because she's a little lost right now. Buffy will find her way, again. In fact, I'll bet right now she's deciding the only relationship she should be developing is the one with herself. It's like when you were split in two. Only, she has to deal with the two separate parts of herself all the time--the slayer Buffy and the, um, Buffy Buffy, y'know?"  
  
"Yeah," Xander said, "And I wouldn't trade places with either one of them, right now. All of me is pretty happy these days--except for the part of me that feels bad for Buffy, that is."  
  
Every Friday night, if Buffy didn't need them, Xander and Anya hung out at his apartment watching videos and eating pizza. It was Friday. But instead of renting videos and ordering a pizza, Xander got a bottle of wine and prepared a gourmet meal himself. He turned the lights off, lit a bunch of candles, and put on some romantic music.  
  
When Anya walked in, she was surprised. "No electricity, huh?" she asked when she saw all the candles.  
  
"No, there's more than enough electricity," Xander answered. "Candles are supposed to be romantic."  
  
"Oh, romance," Anya said, "I like romance. Romance leads to sex."  
  
"Continuing with the romantic theme," he said, "I've been trying something new. See, I put all these food-things together, put it in the oven, and out pops dinner!"  
  
"Is it edible?" she asked.  
  
"Well, only one way to find out," he answered.  
  
After dinner, which was surprisingly good, Xander got down on one knee in front of Anya. "Xander, you don't have to beg me for sex, y'know," she said.  
  
"No. Anya," he said, "I want to ask you something."  
  
"Xander, you can ask me anything," she said.  
  
He pulled out the ring he had purchased. "Anya, will you marry me?" he asked.  
  
"Yes," she answered, "Of course I will!"  
  
They embraced. Then they celebrated.  
  
They couldn't wait to share their good news, so they went to the Bronze, afterwards. Willow, Tara and Buffy were all there. Willow kept looking at the two of them, wondering if Xander had asked Anya yet. Xander looked at Willow and winked, then nodded. She grinned widely. Tara caught the exchange and asked Willow what that was all about. Buffy had gotten up to use the bathroom so Xander shared his news with Willow and Tara. Willow didn't want to hurt Anya's feelings, so she pretended to be surprised. Tara was happy for them, at first. But when she saw how happy Willow was for them, she worried that Willow would miss having her own wedding if she stayed with Tara. She would talk to Willow about it later, she decided. For now, she would join in the celebration.  
  
When Buffy returned, they all abruptly stopped talking. Xander gently told Buffy what was going on, saying he understood if she couldn't be happy for them just yet. She assured him that of course she was thrilled for them--why wouldn't she be? Then she joined in the celebration. But secretly, she was jealous of the normal life they would have and she would never have. Not wanting to hurt their feelings or have them worry about her, she celebrated with them as long as everyone else did. Finally, Xander and Anya went back to his apartment. Willow and Tara went back to Willow's dorm room. And Buffy walked home alone.  
  
She trained all day Saturday, all the while fighting her inner demons.  
  
  



	4. Acceptance

  
CHAPTER 4-Acceptance  
  
Buffy had never felt so low in her life. Of course she was thrilled that Xander had found true love with Anya. They fit together like she and Angel once had--only without all the 'he has a soul-oops it's gone' stuff. She was realizing that she can never have a normal relationship. Men were simply incapable of dealing with her slayer abilities and duties. And she could hardly blame them. "I mean," she thought, "How can you give yourself completely to someone who might not come home from work one night?" And a real wedding? Forget it. When the vampires and other demons heard about the slayer wedding, they'd be sure to crash it in a big way. And she'd never be able to have children, either. That was the hardest part for her. She could never bring a child into her world. Being blessed with her destiny had doomed her to a life of solitude. Up until then she had fought that fact.  
  
"Well, no more," she decided. "If that's my fate, then I'll embrace it. Hell, I'll roll out the welcome mat and invite it in for tea." She was no longer depressed; she was determined. "So I can't have kids or a meaningful relationship with a man. So what? No big, really. All that vulnerability and broken hearts and weakness has been no good for my slayerage, anyway." Then she had a thought, "Doesn't mean I can't have a meaningless relationship with a man." She went to see Spike.  
  
Buffy was feeling rather confident on her way to Spike's crypt. She was armed with the knowledge that he had a crush on her. She figured it would be easy enough to seduce him. As she approached the door to his crypt, however, her confidence wavered a bit and she was suddenly a little shy. She knocked instead of her usual barging-on-in. After a good five minutes, Spike finally answered the door.  
  
"Oh. It's you," he said, obviously not happy to see her. "Think of some more reasons to hate me, Slayer? Some other flaw in your otherwise perfect life to blame me for? Wait a minute, you knocked," he suddenly realized. "Could it be you've realized I'm not entirely responsible for Riley's departure?"  
  
She just stood there silently, her confidence faltering. This was not going to be as easy as she thought.  
  
"You know what," Spike said, "I don't have time for this, today." He started to close the door.  
  
"Wait," Buffy finally said. "I know what you did for Dawn."  
  
"So the little brat ratted me out, eh? Well, no need to thank me," Spike said, "In fact, I insist you don't. Forget it. It won't happen again, I assure you."  
  
"But you saved her life!" Buffy insisted. "You risked your own safety for her." She was trying to focus on that in order to justify her plan to seduce him. That was nice of him, after all.  
  
"Well, yeah," he said, "But don't forget my part in getting rid of 'Captain Cardboard.'"  
  
"You're not making this easy," she said almost under her breath.  
  
"What's that?" he asked, hearing her.  
  
"Can I come in?" she asked him.  
  
"Suit yourself," he answered, and held the door open for her.  
  
She went in and turned to face him. She opened her mouth to say something, and left it open when she noticed Spike wasn't wearing a shirt. She'd never suspected his chest would be smooth and muscled. And his powerful arms .... "Well, of course he's in good physical shape," she thought stupidly. "He fights demons every night for fun."  
  
"What are you looking at?" he finally said.  
  
"Spike," she said, regaining her senses, "I know you have a crush on me."  
  
"A crush on you?!" he said angrily. "You make it sound like I'm a schoolboy who dips your pigtails in the inkwell. And no. As usual, you've got it all wrong. I ...."  
  
"It's okay," she interrupted. "You're exactly what I need right now."  
  
"You've gone and lost it, haven't you, Slayer. Some nasty thing drop you on your head?"  
  
"No," she said defiantly, "I just realized I should stop fighting my destiny."  
  
"Now I know you've lost it," he said.  
  
She groaned. "Why do you have to make everything so difficult?"  
  
"Make what so difficult?" he asked.  
  
"This," she said, and she put her hands on his shoulders, leaned towards him, and kissed him--tentatively, at first. When she stopped and looked at him, his eyes were a mixture of confusion and longing. She kissed him again, and she could feel his hunger for her. She was both terrified and aroused by it. They continued kissing and he put his arms arouond her waist and pulled her nearer. He ran one hand up her back, then her neck, then he wove his fingers through her hair. She wrapped her arms around his neck and parted her lips as he thrusted his tongue into her mouth. He plunged his tongue in deeply at first, then he gently explored her mouth with it. Then he pulled her face even closer, pressing his mouth on hers with an urgency that surprised both of them. Then he thrusted his tongue in deeply again. She tilted her head back to catch her breath but she moaned as his lips moved down to her throat, her neck, then her shoulders. She had not expected to get so turned on by Spike! She was losing control of the 'seduction'--and losing it fast.  
  
"Buffy," Spike whispered, "Do you want me?"  
  
"Yes," she said, "I ... Spike ...." He silenced her with another kiss. She couldn't understand what was happening to her! She kissed him back with so much passion that everything else disappeared. All she could see was Spike. She was being consumed by him--and loving every second of it.  
  
Her hands bagan exploring his bare back. She stopped kissing him, tucked her head under his chin and pulled his body tightly against hers. She was trying desperately to break this spell. She couldn't let herself be this affected by a 'meaningless' fling with Spike, of all people! She pulled back a little, and looked into his eyes. But the longing, the hunger, was still there, unmasked, now. There was no turning back. Having laid bare their mutual desire, they passed the point of questioning it or denying it.  
  
Spike easily picked her up and carried her to his bed. "There's no turning back now, love," he said. "Tell me this is not a dream."  
  
"Not a dream," Buffy said. "If you stop now, I'll never forgive you."  
  
"Sure you can handle it, Slayer?" he said teasingly.  
  
"You sure you can?" she teased back.  
  
He gently laid her on his bed and stretched out beside her, propping himself up with one elbow. Then he moved over her, propping himself up on both elbows with his hands holding her arms. He began kissing her again. She arched her neck, causing his kisses to become even hotter, his tongue plunging in and out of her mouth. She raised her forearms and gripped his upper arms. Their breaths were coming in short gasps. She could feel his desire pressing against her, and that excited her even more.  
  
Afterward, as they laid side by side, Buffy remarked, "That was incredible."  
  
"Buffy, I ..." Spike started as a hundred feelings washed over him. "God, she's so beautiful," he thought. "How can I be so lucky?" Then it occurred to him just how unbelievable the whole thing was. He started wondering what brought her here; why had she done this? What does it mean? Could the slayer really have fallen for Spike? "No," he thought bitterly.  
  
"Buffy," he finally asked, "What happened to you these last two days?"  
  
She had been losing herself in his eyes. They were so full of emotion, she felt she could almost see his s.... "Wait a minute," she caught herself, "Spike doesn't have a soul," she realized. When he asked her what happened to her, she regained control of her emotions. And the events of the previous evening--learning about Xander and Anya's engagement--and her acceptance of her fate earlier today came rushing into her mind.  
  
"Well," she began, "Xander and Anya are getting married. And so I realized I'll never have a normal life, with a husband and kids and forever-love. I can only have meaningless flings."  
  
"Meaningless?!" he said, feeling angry and hurt. "Is that what I am to you? This all means nothing to you?!"  
  
She realized she had underestimated his feelings for her. Her feelings had overpowered her, as well. She had started out planning on having just a fling with Spike. She doubted she could still say that and mean it, though. He had made her feel both protected and powerful. She never dreamed ...."  
  
Spike interrupted her silent thoughts. "Get dressed and get out," he said calmly. She realized she had actually hurt his feelings. She was so confused by her own emotions that she was unable to put into words everything she was feeling. She was overcome with embarrassment and hurriedly got dressed. She looked over at him sitting on the bed. He had put his jeans back on. He held his head in his hands. For once, she had a situation she felt powerless to fix. She thought of saying a number of things. Instead, she said nothing, and left.  
  
THE END  
  
  
One possible conclusion to this, I wrote, is called "The Tapestry" and takes place one year later. It can be found here, as well.  
  
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